He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
