bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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