A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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