reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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