Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
