I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
