The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
