I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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