I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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