Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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