tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
