My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
