I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
