new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
