she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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