She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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