Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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