Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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