I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
