What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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