I showed him my bush... on skype.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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