dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
