i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i believe in u and ur pee
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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