Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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