It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize