I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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