M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
