Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
BRING THE BAGELS
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
