please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
