I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
