You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
