i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
