I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
