someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
high people should be assigned attendants
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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