There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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