ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
