It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
third nipple confirmed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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