apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
