Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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