Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
