Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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