I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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