There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
