he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
