if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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