Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you traded sex for a burrito?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
