Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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