Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
