mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
