I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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