Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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