He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
