this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
