Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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