Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
