i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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