i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
