I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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