we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
