just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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