i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
