my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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