i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
