i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
