Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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