the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
