ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
