i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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