i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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