Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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