Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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