I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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