I skipped work to stalk him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
