Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
