i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
