if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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