I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize