my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
