Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
