I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
