i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize