her vagine was all disorganized.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
