is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
