My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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