Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
