you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize