You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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