You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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