I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
