You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
