Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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