Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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