i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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