dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
