Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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