Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
