well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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