SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
