where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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