theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize