alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize