I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
